ANTM Episode 5 – Smile and Pose

Anslee gets a letter from her daughter, and has a little meltdown. She pretty much stays that way for the rest of the show. Boring.

Tyra Mail – “u don’t need 2 b a scientist 2 b good at chemistry.” The girls have a teach with Miss J about faking chemistry in a shoot with another model. They will have to ride a tram with a “shy male model” and break the ice. Turns out the shy male model is none other than Nigel Barker. Too bad it’s only the tram they get to ride… We see a few of the really awkward moments from some of the girls – Angelea does a hammer dance and Jessica practically attacks Nigel and tries to strip him down several times. You go girl! Needless to say, I don’t think Nigel will be volunteering to help out with the teach anytime soon.

From there, the girls use this lesson to help them in this week’s challenge. The judges are Nigel Barker and Ann Shoket of Seventeen magazine. The girls have to pose in a window for a lingerie shoot, and they will only have 5 frames. And that’s not the craziest part. The male model? Comedian Ross Mathews. You may know him as “Ross the Intern” from the Jay Leno Show (yeah, the old JL show that didn’t suck so much). I looked Ross up on Wikipedia. Under the heading “Personal life” there is one line: “Mathews has a dog named Louise.” Priceless. And he has a voice like a teenaged girl. Good luck ladies! The girls were mostly awkward, with a few good ideas and hopefully some good shots, because the winner would get over $6000 in diamond jewellery (btw, that’s 1 pair of earrings). Oh, and Alasia had THE worst excuse for lingerie I have ever seen. Green and covered in frills. She looked like deep and delicious cake with green icing. Blech. And the challenge winner was…Jessica. Apparently Ross wasn’t afraid of her. I wonder why. And as last week’s best photo winner, Alasia also won jewellery – a $5000 diamond encrusted ring. Payback for having to wear the cupcake suit, I’d say!

Tyra Mail – “2morrow ur going 2 find out who’s fake, and who keeps it real.” Photoshoot time on Canal Street, where the J’s are pretending to shop for knockoffs from a street vendor. Who then pretends to be a cop and bust Miss J. Not funny. Mr Jay tells the girls that knockoffs are the biggest fashion crime they could commit. Hm. Don’t make me tell you more about the cupcake underpants! For the photoshoot, the girls will be dressed in fake everything – from eyelashes and lips to shoes and purses. The fake street vendor/cop is D-Nice, New York photog and DJ. Lame. Most of the girls look absolutely ridiculous in their get-ups, but somehow Angelea seemed to be able to pull it off really well. Scary. And Alasia didn’t look too bad either.

At panel, Tyra was wearing pantsuit #5, an over-sized number she made outta her momma’s old 80’s track suit. From the fat years. It. Was. Hu-uge! It’s really too bad they didn’t post a picture of this one, maybe she realized how bad it was when she saw the tape. Here’s how the girls did this week:
Tatianna – Eek! The clown face was scary. The judges didn’t like that she only ever does one pose, she was lucky to get one good shot.
Raina – She noticed what the makeup artist did with her face and she sold the look. She just needed a bit more emotion in her face.
Jessica – She was jumping all over the place at the photoshoot, and she nailed it. The judges loved that her feet left the ground. Even Nigel had something nice to say – “She’s such a pretty girl, she can afford to go ugly…and still looks radiant.” Impressive, considering she mauled him earlier. And Nigel usually holds a grudge.
Krista – She looked like a neon green monster. Yikes. But the judges liked it.
Brenda – She lacked chemistry, and she just doesn’t get it.
Anslee – She was emotionally distraught and lost this week, but managed to pull it together near the end of the shoot. The judges thought her photo told a story, and she was fake in all the right ways.
Angelea – All the fake-up worked for her. Which is pretty funny, she seemed to be in her element. Her shot was high fashion. “It is fake. And so what!” No need to fake this one!
Alexandra – She wasn’t confident, so the spark wasn’t there, and the outfit is what carried the shot.
Alasia – The judges loved it (as usual), except that her face was down.

And best photo this week goes to…Jessica (I think Angelea’s photo was better). Followed by Angelea, Krista, Alasia, Anslee, Brenda, and Raina. And the bottom two were Alexandra and Tatianna. Alexandra is beautiful and statuesque, but she doesn’t know what to do with her body. Tatianna’s one good photo was luck not skill. And that’s why she got the boot!