ANTM Episode 2 – Dreckitude!

I think we’re going to be hearing this word a lot now that new judge Andre Leon Talley is on the show. Apparently he likes to make up words. Basically, Dreckitude means “it’s shit.” And I think Tyra’s afraid of him cause he’s fashion mafia…who knows. But she’s already cut back on the word smize, thank you Jesus! So far Andre is entertaining, but he’s no Janice Dickinson. Which reminds me, Paulina Porizkova is FINALLY gone. Sweetness.

Back to the photoshoot…so the girls get to choose one item by pulling it’s label off a terribly dressed mannequin. Why Tyra always sends them screaming and running, I have no idea. It’s not pretty. Oh, and by the way, Mr Jay is wearing a skirt. Wo. Here’s what each of the girls wore and what the judges thought at first panel:

Raina – ring – The judges loved it, she looks like a “courtesan” (AKA slut).
Alexandra – necklace – Her face was good, but her pose was forced. Uh, yeah, that’s what happens when you have to cover your tits with your hands.
Angelea – shoes – She did a great job, the judges loved it.
Simone – jacket – She needs the smize (ugh, I said it).
Tatianna – scarf – She got a good shot, but posed the same all the way through.
Anslee – clutch – “Almost a telescopic view into the nether regions…done with style.” Nice!
Gabrielle – leggings – “Catalog. The wrong catalog.”
Jessica – shorts – High fashion, a natural.
Brenda – watch – Her pose was awkward and she wasn’t selling the watch.
Naduah – sunglasses – They thought she looked artificial, but confident. Tyra fell for it, she wants to buy the sunglasses. Btw, they were hideous.
Alasia – vest – She looks like she’s pooping her hand, but the new judge likes it. Everyone else is laughing at her, and Nigel absolutely HATES it.
Ren – hat – Despite the gaudiest excuse for a hat that you’ve ever seen (it has mirrors on it), the judges think she looks like a woodland nymph. I guess that’s a good thing?
Krista – dress – Tyra thinks she looks like a 60s mannequin, that doesn’t sound good.

And the first Best Photo goes to – Jessica. This season, best photo not only means a giant mural of the chosen one displayed in the loft, but the winner will also get to participate in the next challenge prize, no matter how much she sucks at the challenge. Angelea is the runner up. The bottom two are Alasia and Gabrielle. Gabrielle is lovely in person, but her photo was unimpressive. Alasia is a beautiful girl, but she had a bad shot. And Gabrielle is sent home. Buh-ooh! The hand pooper wins because a crazy man wants to put her photo up in his “sal-on.” BS. Moving on…

Tyra Mail – “Y did the model cross the road? Guess you will have to find out 2morrow.” Runway time! The girls have their first teach with Miss J, and it’s boring. Next! More Tyra Mail – “2morrow u will really need 2 be in the swing of things.” Runway challenge – the girls will have to walk in a Rachel Roy fashion show, and the winner gets to keep the outfit. They walk down a giant staircase to the runway, which has pendulums swinging across it…this should be fun! A few of the girls get hit or have to stop short to avoid the pendulums, which looks ridiculous. Alexandra is the biggest loser (literally), she falls on the stairs and is clearly pissed off as she walks the runway. Then on her way back she gets hit by the last pendulum and falls off the runway. Next time she’s asked about her most embarrassing moment…yeah, that’s the one. And the winner is Brenda, and she and Jessica get to keep their ugly designer outfits.

The big drama starts in the house when Ren tells Alasia to shut the fuck up…hahaha…nice. Alasia has a little tantrum. Okay, a huge tantrum. Ren decides these girls are too much drama for her, and she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the house. Um, telling people to stfu usually has the opposite effect. Lesson learned? Doubtful.

Tyra Mail – “Make ur mark b4 u disappear.” Photoshoot – The girls will get sprayed with purple “perfume”, then blasted with rain and wind. They will have to get the shot before the water and wind ruin the useless ugly perfume. This is a terrible photoshoot idea, Tyra. Let’s move on to judging. Alasia looked ridiculous and drooly. Alexandra needed coaching. Naduah made a blowup doll face. Tatianna was “perfection.” Brenda looked terrible. Anslee was gorgeous, Madonna-esque. Raina was Mr Jay’s favourite. Ren looked okay, but the judges didn’t like it. Best photo went to Raina, and the bottom two were Naduah and Ren. Ren is unpredictable and Tyra expected Naduah to be edgier. So Naduah is toast. That broad was annoying anyway.