ANTM Episode 10 – Ugly Pretty Woman

With only four girls left, it’s make or break time. Alexandra wanted best picture last week, but she came in second again. Keep dreaming, Chunk. Raina is annoying, as usual. Angelea sees Krista as her main competition because she keeps winning everything. Andre Leon Talley arrives at the house wearing a ridiculous giant black tent, and brings flowers for each of the girls. He gives them tips on the industry, talks about dreck, Vogue, and how he worked as Andy Warhol’s bitch. This is a big deal for Angelea, who came from the ghetto and wants to show everyone she can make it to the top.

Tyra Mail – “Time 2 get ready 4 a different kind of runway. Pack a bag and get ready.” Jay meets the girls at the airport and tells them they will fly to Queenstown for their next photoshoot. The plane takes off, and Miss J shows up to announce that the girls will have to walk the aisle for their next challenge. The winner will get to walk in New Zealand fashion week and will also win $2000 in designer jewellery. Jay and J want to see some personality from the girls this time. Alexandra is the only one with heels in her bag. Angelea has one heel…um…why? Alexandra steals someone’s sunglasses halfway down the aisle, and does a little flight attendant move at the end. Cute, but one stop too many along the way. Krista had a good walk and lots of attitude. Meh. Angelea was doing her club thing again. It’s too bad, really. Raina was like the girl next door. And I’m not talking about Elisha Cuthbert here people. This one’s pretty boring. And walks like a linebacker. Bahaha. So it’s either Alexandra or Krista…and Krista wins again. Mother effer. Broad’s like Eddie Murphy with an ice cream cone when she wins. Ridiculous.

Next up, the girls are hauled out to their photoshoot location in the middle of scenic nowhere. The girls will have to be the ugly amongst the pretty. This should be easy. They also find out that the next elimination will send two of them home. 50/50! Krista is up first, and she looks like a man in a big nasty dress. Alexandra feels “all Sweeney-Toddy” in her corset. She’s looking good, but not edgy like Jay wants. But I think she should wear black lipstick more often. Raina needs to step out of the box this time. Turns out she’s too pretty, not ugly-pretty. She takes direction well, but couldn’t quite achieve what Jay was looking for. When Angelea gets negative criticism from Jay, it usually works for her…but maybe not this time. The girls fly back to Auckland, and Krista’s shwag is everywhere. Once again, she gets an extra $1000 worth of jewellery since she won last week’s challenge.

At judging, Tyra announces that the two finalists will walk in an Anna Sui fashion show. The judges look at the photos from this week, with all the girls dressed as edgy queens, personifying the art of ugly-pretty. Ugh, Tyra. Raina looks a little evil in her profile shot. But it’s actually not bad. Jay rats her out, she was too pretty and couldn’t break through. The judges decide she’s getting better, showing her talent. Angelea looks scared, like she just saw a ghost. Or is a ghost. I’m not sure how I feel about this one. The judges feel Angelea needs exposure, travel and to meet other people. Krista looks like shit. The judges love it. She just won the whole thing. Damn. The judges think she is consistently improving and listening, but her face is the only thing that could be a problem. Because she doesn’t know how to use it, not because it’s manly. They like that part. Alexandra needs to wear heels. She comes out wearing shorts and flats, and it’s not good. She kinda looks like a little boy in her picture. A boy who shoots poison darts out of his eyes. The judges all say she has a great body shape…for a fat girl. She knows how to make her body work, but they don’t know what she’s all about. Obviously they don’t care much, or they would have asked her over the last 9 weeks.

The first finalist is Krista. Of course.

And she has a fit. Again. Settle down Eddie. Like you weren’t the obvious favourite. Then we hear what’s wrong with the rest of the girls – Alexandra has a rare amazing body, and a great face too. But her pictures are just okay, inconsistent. Raina – the second coming of Brooke Shields – only does well when she’s interested in the photoshoot idea. Angelea has an interesting and edgy face, but needs to take criticism and actually use it to help her. And the second finalist is Raina. Are you kidding me? Ugh.

So Alexandra and Angelea are going home. Alexandra just leaves. Angelea does her hammer dance for everyone on her way out. Tyra is impressed with her attitude, because it means she’s not pouting anymore. Shoulda kept this broad.

Here’s the part where I found out this is a 2 hour finale. Oops, how did I not know that?

Raina is all excited. As usual. Holy shnike! Krista is all business, she just wants to beat Raina. I think she might actually beat Raina if it’s not over soon.

Tyra Mail – Blah blah blah…the girls need to pack an overnight bag, cause they’re taking a helicopter to a lodge on what looks like a private island. Miss J is there with scripts for the CoverGirl commercial they will shoot the next morning. Raina is confident. Krista is nervous about remembering her lines. As always, there will be a commercial shoot and a photoshoot for a print ad. And little Nicole is back to tell the girls what to expect, reading her lines like a robot. Whatever, I still love her. Krista thinks Raina will be too fake and hyper, but Krista will be more realistic and relatable. Krista has her lines memorized and doesn’t want cue cards, but she loses it after a few takes and forgets all her lines. She finally gives up and asks for the cue cards, but she’s in good spirits and is able to laugh it off. Raina’s next, and she’s about half as good as Krista. Maybe.

The next day, Nigel shoots their Seventeen cover. Nothing special here, but they both look pretty good. They go back to their apartment, and Tyra is pretending to set up camera equipment. Now that they’re part of the Top Model family, she wants to take a family portrait. But something is missing…their families! What is this, survivor? I swear, Tyra doesn’t have one original thought in her head. Their parents have been flown in for a quick photo op with them. Krista’s mom says their family motto is “pride, determination and resilience.” Uh, wait a minute, you have a family motto? This is weird.

Time for the Anna Sui rock-and-roll-circus-themed happy smiley fashion show. Nicole will open the show, and Alasia, Jessica, Alexandra and Angelea are back too. I guess since they were already in NZ, they might as well stay and play. Lucky girls. All the judges are in the audience, and Andre is wearing a fleece blanket. Not good. Krista looks good, but Raina is so bloody boring on the runway. No way she can win this. Oh, and the clothes are ghastly. Overall…boring. After the show, Tyra talks to each of the finalists about how it went. Krista was being herself on the runway, and wants to show other girls that they can do the same. But just the tall skinny black ones, okay? Raina let loose and had fun. Tyra tells her she’s beautiful because she’s odd looking. Apparently that’s supposed to be a compliment.

The girls meet with the judges one last time. The outfits in this room are absolutely ridiculous. First, the judges talk about the fashion show. Krista has a hard edge, but seemed real. She was able to pull this off with light and airy energy, and just a little too much cheese. Raina was heavy-footed (aka linebacker), “like a Clydesdale.” Oh dear! Then we see the girls’ CoverGirl shots. Raina is soft and cute. Krista is serious and a bit sleepy – no smize here! Next is the commercial. Raina has a nice voice and enunciates, but she looks squinty and nervous. Krista looked more natural, but she’s still a little ghetto.

And America’s Next Top Model is….Krista.

I think we all saw that coming for the last 2 weeks! And if you just can’t get enough of Tyra and stupid girls…there’s one more episode next week called “Chubby Bunny”, a recap and unseen footage of Cycle 14.

Congrats to our winner, Kirsten! I like non-fat lattes. Just saying.

C U Next Time, kids!

duh.